Life is crazy!
2 weeks sounds like such a short time, and we have managed to put something on our calendar for every day of it! Funny thing is, until 3 weeks ago, we were not a "calendar" family. Our life isn't so busy that we can't mentally keep track of things, it's just not us. We are flexible and go with it, and if something requires setting a date early on, we would just use the phone calendar, for a simple reminder. Typically, when the time came, I remembered it anyway. But that's not the way as of lately. It does help the time go quicker when your busy, but at the same time, I truly need a break!
Aaron doesn't have a ton of projects or papers for the end of this semester, and he only has one actual final, however, he has tons of reading, so most of his spare time he has his nose in a book right now. I am finding myself going through times of being overwhelmed, trying to get the small things done, the phone calls, figuring out info for changing banks, health insurance, phone plans, car insurance, etc.
This last week we added a speeding ticket to the mix. However, it was in a school zone and due to the tornado winds the night before, the school zone lights were not flashing. So I spent a few days tracking down proof they were not working and helping iron out the details of what we needed to do for the ticket that Aaron didn't deserve. A funny thing happened during this whole scenario. Aaron wanted to just go ahead and pay it after some thought, which, after I had already done all the chase work, found myself bulking at. After some thought there were two things that came to mind... first, this wasn't my ticket, yet I was happy to do all this detective work and get it figured out, and now, he's throwing it out the window. Second, but it's not your fault!! You don't deserve the ticket, we don't deserve the points on your record or the raised insurance. You've never had a ticket or warning before, we can get this taken away!!
I admit, my second thought was that of pride and a need to win and be right. To prove we didn't do anything wrong. And, after discovering it could take up to 3 months to suppena (spelling?) the officer and reset a court date, Aaron did chose to just pay it and do traffic school to get rid of the points on the record (at least we are hoping that's what happens).
But as for my first thought, as I processed, I discovered my feelings in my "trivial" work on the move. I tend to do the books, the phone calls, the "little" bits and pieces that add up to a few days minute tasks. Aaron tends to do the big picture. Both produce progress and when combined, both get things done that need to be. However, I found this little snow ball rising up, seeing Aaron's thoughts on just paying the ticket as lack of appreciation for the tedious detective work on finding proof of his innocence. Not only that, he is my husband, and this judicial system has another thing coming if they think they can just hand him a ticket undeserving!! I will show them!! (yes, maybe more pride, but that's my man, and he's amazing and honorable, and this just wasn't going over well with me.) But it began to roll over to more then just the ticket, but the other little things I have been trying to accomplish.
The problem with doing the bills and the paperwork is you don't see the progress. When it comes to packing and fixing things or putting things together, there's an obvious progress and success. It's easy to see and because of that, your constantly reminded of the progress. But when it's not tangible, we forget to say thanks, or to realize the lights are still on for a reason. Or that we didn't have to pay a thing for the dental cleaning when we walked out the door because a bill was paid on time once again. (Now don't hear this wrong at all, Aaron is a great encourager and truly does appreciate my work on the budget and bills, and he thanks me for relieving him from doing them, and I also tend to enjoy doing them for some reason.)But as the level of needs builds to all the extra work, the need for visible appreciation builds too, and too often, you don't realize it has built until you realize your feeling neglected.
So what does this have to do with salvation, and why am I, Mrs. anti cliche', taking this illustration to salvation. Well, as I processed and thought and typed this out, I just sort of went there mentally. So I went there in writing too. Wasn't my original intent, but as I vented the past few days out, this was right there to follow it up. My lack of appreciation in my salvation. Again, not that I don't appreciate it, but that I don't appreciate it enough. And as God has to work even harder in me lately, trying to keep my spirit calm, reminding me not to worry for tomorrow and needed to send friends out of their way to give me such encouragement (thanks Jess!! It really was helpful for me!), He deserves the acknowledgement that it's because of him I could sit and worship in the pew this past Easter morning, and share in an Easter lamb supper with my husband, to celebrate a resurrection that took much more then I could ever give. Every day when I wake up once again with security of salvation, it isn't the first thing on my mind. I know it's there, but it's as if I became use to it. Like the lights always turning on when I flip the switch, or the dentist always watching us walk out without having to stop by the check out counter. Or the Bible's all over our home in all different translations and full of different types of resources. I've become use to them.
In college I put verses on the mirror and wrote "pray" in white out pen on my steering wheel, and at first it was great. But after a while I could open my closet without ever seeing that white 3x5 card with the encouraging verse of beauty being on the inside. Had the word "pray" worn off, or did it really become just another part of the car to me? How do you not allow yourself to just "get use to" your salvation? Especially in America??
Just a thought....
Tidbits of Us
- I am the wife of an amazing man, seeking hard after God's will for his family, and the mother of 3 beautiful little girls and a 4th baby lost in pregnancy, who all pull at my heartstrings continually. Life has been a whirlwind since our wedding in 2008, including seminary, adventures in camp ministry, missions in Kosovo, and countless moves and God's fingerprints are throughout it all. We are blessed and encouraged that He is equipping us continually for the ministry ahead and pray we are great stewards to all he has entrusted to us, in family, friends, ministry, finances, and of course, the gospel.