My heart breaks with the news of the school shooting in CT. I really can't seem to get over it, and at the same time, I don't want to. 20 parents came home to decorated trees and stockings hanging, but missing a huge piece of their hearts. I am so angry that some seek to find a reason that will make them feel safe. They can't believe in their hearts that someone could be evil. They have to have another reason why this happened, and why if they surround themselves with people not like "that", then it won't happen to them. Others feel the need to use it as a podium for their political stand on gun control or the lack there of. I wish the "simplicity" of it could settle in people's minds. We are sinful by nature. We HATE light. When you truly hate, you will do anything that is the opposite of love. Anything. This is why it happened. Because hate is an evil thing harbored in hearts of man kind. Pure Evil. Your hate may be on a different level, but it's there. All it takes is a little work here and a little pressure there from satan and your hate will intensify. Your hate is no better then his was. It's simply not as intense.
But why glorify him by analyzing who he was and why he did anything.
20 babies sleep with God each night. There's a beautiful song that I pray when someone I now has gone. And when these babies had gone. "The angel's wings cover you tonight, Hallelujah, press your head against the breast of Christ, Hallelujah."
My heart breaks at the thought. I've heard of such great tragedies before and not been rocked as I am now. BUT, it. is. good. It is good that I am shaken. It is good that sin has shown it's evil face and I have broken at the ugliness of it. We as Christians have become so numb to the evening news. People are murdered on a daily basis and we, I, don't blink from preparing evening dinner. But this time, this time it overwhelmed me. I have held my children every day the past week and thought of the parents who didn't know they wouldn't hold their babies again. The parents who went to bed two nights in a row while the lifeless body of their child still lay on the cold tile floor of the school while police and medical examiners documented everything.
I just can't stop aching. Pray against evil. Pray hard. Tell the world the good news of Jesus and pray they are given the only thing that can bring true light and love into their hearts. True Love.
I know that's heavy and sad. I'm not sorry for it. We need to become desensitized to the depravity of mankind. We just do. I do.
My sweet Madison is still so young and simple minded. Of course we have not talked with her about it, but we have tried to love on her every moment we could. That Friday night we had a fire in the fireplace although it was 70 something out, invited family and friends over and had a pizza picnic in front of the tree. She had a blast. She still asks to do it again. I crawled in her bed with her and read Green Eggs and Ham for the millionth time, and I was sure to go really really slow. We looked at every part of every picture and giggled at all the silliness. I can't tell you how many times she has gotten to stay up late this week, just for cuddle time and "one more book".
We've also been doing advent with her, focusing on giving to remind us that God gave us the best gift of all, Baby Jesus. Madison has made it clear she is very excited to eat baby Jesus!! What she means by that is his birthday cake. :)
We've taken her to buy and wrap gifts for mom, dad and Eden, talked to her all about the nativity while she played with our figurines, gave food to a food pantry and coins to the bell ringers. Yesterday we made and decorated cookies for all our neighbors. We gave each one a note telling them about baby Jesus and how we are learning about giving while we get ready to celebrate his birthday.
Today we found a special little silver gift bag by our door. There was a tiny puppy in it, which during nighttime prayers she finally named by saying, "And thank you for Figaro my tiny tiny puppy because he so so so so cute!" (that may not have been the exact quote, but all the important parts are there.) And a note. A very sweet note written on two purple post-its. It read:
"Dear little neighbor, thanks for the candy, cookies and nice note. You did a great job decorating them and they were very good!! When we got home and found your gift it really helped me feel better because a doctor had just tole me that day that I have skin cancer. I am so glad you know about Jesus! Thanks for making me feel better. We all had a cookie and some candy. You are special!! We hope to meet you someday soon. Merry Christmas, Love and Blessings."
God's timing is beautiful.
After a week of emotions and sadness. A week of looking at my girls and wondering what in the world I would do "if". Seven slow days of constantly remembering that 20 parents are not able to do what I get to do with my little girls.
After a week, god has shown me beauty. He has shown me a melting away of evil. He has reminded me what baby Jesus came for. To save our souls and fil our hearts with love that we may love and bless others in a way only one filled with the Spirit can do. A way we can only do with his guidance. Perfect example, if we didn't have the love of Christ in our hearts and the desire to show it to our girls, we would have made cookies for ourselves alone. Forget all that work for the neighbors! My little girl not only helped this woman to feel some joy yesterday, but in turn showed her mommy what God intends the world to look like. that amidst the evil and hate, He is there, working. He is there loving. He is there holding. He is there changing lives.
Yes, it is good to be shaken by such evil. To not be numb to it. To recognize satan's work. BUT, God is at work in even greater ways, no matter how the sin of the world has attempted to cover it up.
He has already used those 20 little lives to change thousands of others. A much greater work then satan could have predicted. Satan never wins.
Tidbits of Us
- I am the wife of an amazing man, seeking hard after God's will for his family, and the mother of 3 beautiful little girls and a 4th baby lost in pregnancy, who all pull at my heartstrings continually. Life has been a whirlwind since our wedding in 2008, including seminary, adventures in camp ministry, missions in Kosovo, and countless moves and God's fingerprints are throughout it all. We are blessed and encouraged that He is equipping us continually for the ministry ahead and pray we are great stewards to all he has entrusted to us, in family, friends, ministry, finances, and of course, the gospel.