I look at my sweet babies faces and can't believe I they are mine to cherish, to nurture and raise in this world. It blows me away.
I have the sweetest 2 1/2 year old in the world, and I can't believe for a moment that is a bias opinion. She's never been through terrible two's. She is so verbal it's insane, constantly pulling out words we didn't know she had stored in there and sentences far beyond what I see most her age using. She is a nurturer at heart and is full of compassion. She cries if the dog is in trouble! She is sensitive and curious. She knows what she wants. She is my sweet pea. My amazing little girl with beautiful brown curly hair, hazel eyes, my nose and her daddy's dimples.
So how could I ever love another being as much as I am overwhelmed by how much I love her??
You hear people say it's instant love the minute you meet your sweet child. No matter how that child became yours. And it's unbelievably true!
So when your smitten by your toddler and find yourself overcome by how much and how deeply you love them, and your pregnant, you wonder. Can I possibly love my second child as much?? Will I play favorites, just because this was my first baby and she got the extra "new mommy" love tokens??
And then you see her. You actually see her as your giving birth to her. I know, maybe that's a bit weird, but what an amazing and wondrous moment in time! My body completing for the second time one of the greatest things it was created to do aside from glorifying God, and how was this miracle not glorifying Him! And this tiny little raisin was placed on my chest with all her screaming and crooked nose. It was so crooked! At one point Aaron looked at me and asked if it was going to fix itself later on. I reassured him that surgery would do the trick if it didn't. :)
There wasn't this sudden realization. There wasn't a feeling that washed over me. There wasn't anything extraordinary. Just the joy and busyness of the nurses and midwife. Just the cry of our new baby girl and the excitement shared between Aaron and I as we admired her. But, even without something to draw attention to it, it still happened. I still fell head over heals in love with this little baby girl, as I knew I would.
It's so hard to describe when you try. To put into words how you love them the same, to the same strength, more then anything of this world. Not one more then the other. To the point your overwhelmed when your thinking of it. Overwhelmed to the point of feeling the tingle you get right before your eyes grow moist. Or your smiling ear to ear without even realizing it yet.
Our little smiling infant. Our people loving baby who loves to laugh and giggle at just about everything! I mean everything! She's barely 7 months old and crawling and pulling up to standing. She's so aggressive with finger food even though it hasn't even been quite a month since she started eating solids well. She's playful and moody! She snuggles into me when she nurses and it warms the deep parts of me. She wants what she wants, when she wants it! Our hands will be full with her! She's as bald as can be with a few random strands a few inches long. She also has my nose, which straightened out, and her daddy's dimples.
Her eyes are becoming the same beautiful hazel as her big sisters.
Sometimes I wonder as I play with Eden if Madison wonders if I love her more. Of course at 2 1/2 years old she probably has no concept of that yet, but when the thought pops in my mind I can't help but quickly rebuttal in my brain that I couldn't possibly love one more then the other!
A momma's heart is a strange thing. Strange, and beautiful. Moody and brought to frustrations others may not grasp. Needy for the love and affection only their children can provide. Joyful at the little moments other's didn't see.
I've heard people speak of the love you have for your children the moment they are yours. I've experienced it twice, though I couldn't tell you the "moment" it happened. I just knew it was there. As if it always had been and was just looking for it's way to the surface. I can't explain it, and I can't help but wonder, whenever we are blessed with a third, will it happen all over again? I know it will. I am confident it will be as deep and full as with Madison and Eden. But I can't help but wonder how it could be possible to have even more of a mother's love then I already have! How can it be contained?! It is a mystery.
Tidbits of Us
- I am the wife of an amazing man, seeking hard after God's will for his family, and the mother of 3 beautiful little girls and a 4th baby lost in pregnancy, who all pull at my heartstrings continually. Life has been a whirlwind since our wedding in 2008, including seminary, adventures in camp ministry, missions in Kosovo, and countless moves and God's fingerprints are throughout it all. We are blessed and encouraged that He is equipping us continually for the ministry ahead and pray we are great stewards to all he has entrusted to us, in family, friends, ministry, finances, and of course, the gospel.